pieces of peace


i wrote a long post about Fathers day that turned into a pity party blame game and that’s not what i wanted to say. my father is dead. the journey between his cancer diagnosis and his death, left me with pieces of peace. i’ve learned to live without him, learned to miss him less. then there are moments that come unaware that i forget he is not here and the sharp memory that he is gone, pierces me as if no time had passed since he left. he left.

part of me blames him for leaving me. for choosing to smoke. for saying at 40 that when he was 60 he would be old and ready to die. he wasn’t ready. and he didn’t realize that 60 wasn’t old until he reached that age. i wanted those extra 20 years. i needed him. i need him. his guidance, his support…

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